Insurance Joke of the Month?

[FEX Quotes]

An independent agent and a captive agent were in the men's room at adjacent urinals. The independent agent finishes first, shakes, zips up and proceeds to exit.

The captive agent says, "excuse me but we captive agents wash our hands when we are done".

The independent responds, "Yeah, but we independent agents don't pee on our hands"

 

[adjusterjack]

The captive agent says, "excuse me but we independent agents wash our hands when we are done".

Wait. The captive agent refers to himself as an independent agent?



Edit: I see you fixed it.

Now it's funny.

 

[adjusterjack]

While motorcycling through the countryside, a biker came up to a railway border crossing, just as the crossing gates were coming down. While he sat idling, he was joined by a farmer with a goat, which the farmer tethered to the crossing gate. A few moments later a horse and cart drew up behind the biker, followed in short order by a man in a sports car. When the train roared through the crossing, the horse startled and bit the biker on the arm. Not a man to be trifled with, the biker responded by punching the horse in the head. In consequence, the horse's owner jumped down from his cart and began scuffling with the biker. The horse, which was not up to this sort of excitement, backed away briskly, smashing the cart into the sports car. At this, the sports-car driver leaped out of his car and joined the fray. The farmer came forward to try to pacify the three flailing men. As he did so, the crossing gate rose and his goat was strangled. At last report, the insurance companies were still trying to sort out the claims.

 

[FEX Quotes]

Wait. The captive agent refers to himself as an independent agent?

I was never a good at telling jokes

 

[Markthebroker]

A producer, an underwriter, and an actuary are going to a meeting in a car. The producer has his foot on the gas. The underwriter has his foot on the brake, and the actuary is looking out the rear window telling them where to go.

 

[Markthebroker]

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
HIPAA
HIPAA who?
I can't tell you that.

 

[Life Hawk]

I was never a good at telling jokes

How are you at typing them?

 

[FEX Quotes]

How are you at typing them?

Evidently, not much better

 

[xrac]

A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money.
The man started sobbing and said, 'You can take anything you want. You can kill me also. But please untie the rope and free her.’
Thief: 'You must really love your wife!’
Man: 'Not particularly but she will be home shortly.'

 

[adjusterjack]

PLAIN ENGLISH HOMEOWNERS POLICY

For a period of ___year(s) ending promptly at midnight, Standard time on ________________

Property Location:_______________

AMOUNT OF INSURANCE YOU BOUGHT: $___________________ BLANKET ON YOUR HOUSE, ALL THE ACCUMULATED FURNITURE AND STUFF INSIDE YOUR HOUSE, YOUR GARAGE (the one where you park your car, not Al's Body Shop) AND ANY OTHER SMALL BUILDING ON THE LOT, AND WHAT IT COSTS EXTRA TO LIVE WHEN YOUR HOUSE IS BURNED DOWN OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPENS, FOR SO LONG AS WE SAY IT'S OK.

WE ALSO WILL DEFEND YOU IN COURT IF SOMEBODY MAKES A CLAIM AGAINST YOU, OR PAY THE DAMAGES, AND WE'LL PAY THE MEDICAL BILLS OF SOME PEOPLE WHO GET HURT ACCIDENTALLY AT YOUR PLACE, OR SOME OTHER PLACE.

(We could spell it all out in detail, but you wouldn't understand one word of it anyway. We had to hire ten lawyers just to figure this out after we wrote it!)

CONDITIONS:

1. If anything happens and it looks like it's going to cost you money, call us right away and we'll tell you if we're apt to pay for it.

2. Our agent has already told you this is the new "all risk" policy, but even he doesn't know what he's selling, so if you have any questions, call or write to us, not some insurance salesman.

3. Don't lie to us about what happened or how much something cost or how new it is or how it never leaked before. If you try to snow us, we'll not only cancel this policy so fast it'll make your head swim, we'll pass the word around and you won't ever be able to get an insurance policy again short of the Hong Kong Mutual. There are so many regulations, and an Insurance Commissioner who thinks he's king, that we can't lie to you. So don't you give us any song and dance or we'll land on you hard.

4. Replacement Cost: forget it. You don't need it. We'll pay what we say is fair with or without any "Replacement Cost coverage," and we don't care what your neighbor's policy has on it.

5. The "AMOUNT OF INSURANCE YOU BOUGHT" listed above is the absolute cost we will pay no matter what your house and other stuff is worth or however many people sue you for any one accident, so you'd better be sure you have bought enough to cover the worst disaster that you can imagine. Don't depend on our agent for this! If he had any imagination, he'd find an honest occupation.

6. Don't bother us with a lot of questions about what is and isn't covered by this insurance. We'll tell you when you need to know. If we told you now you'd forget it in an hour, if you ever understood it in the first place.

7. YOUR DUTIES: (1) Pay the premium, and (2) call us right away when you think something's happened (don't try to analyze it, just call in.) That's all you gotta do. Don't try to get cute; see (3) above, in case you have forgotten already (which doesn't surprise us.)

8. If we think of any additional conditions, we'll let you know. By the way, if what happens involves a vehicle, airplane or boat or has to do with your job, forget it; don't call us; we don’t cover it.