Please Critique My Follow Up Letter

Dec 19, 2007

  1. Golddoor
    Offline

    Golddoor Guru

    Posts:
    298
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have been emailing out this letter to potential clients and started using this "Bradley Hand" lettering style. Could you guys critique the wording and what do you think about using this style of lettering?


    RE: YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE

    Mr. Smith,

    I hope things are going well for you and your family? I have been trying to reach you by phone regarding your health insurance, with no success. I was hoping to have the opportunity to speak with you, regarding the quote's that were forwarded to you earlier this month. I would love to come meet with you and/or your family at your home or business, for a few short minute's, to further discuss your option's. I'm available for appointment's 8am-9pm, Monday- Friday and some weekend's. Please let me know what would be a good time for us to arrange a short meeting? I have re-attached your Aetna quote's and pasted the Unicare quotes to the lower portion of this email for your convenience.

    Happy Holidays!!
     
    Golddoor, Dec 19, 2007
    #1
  2. lifesettlementadvisor
    Offline

    lifesettlementadvisor Guru

    Posts:
    439
    Likes Received:
    0
    State:
    Texas
    Its hard to read and looks unprofessional. Why not send a the letter out by regular mail?
     
  3. moonlightandmargaritas
    Offline

    moonlightandmargaritas Guru

    Posts:
    9,749
    Likes Received:
    36
    State:
    Florida
    OK, here ya go (you asked for it).

    You come from a position of weakness. You are apologetically begging! Meet for a few minutes at your home or office from 8AM-9PM? And some weekends?

    Good god man. If you don't respect yourself as a professional that brings value to your client...they certainly won't!

    If they're not answering your calls, there's a reason why.

    QUALIFY them upfront. Then re-qualify 'em.Quit chasing around non-qualified tire kickers. Get busy enough so you haven't got the time to deal with them.
     
  4. CHUMPS FROM OXFORD
    Offline

    CHUMPS FROM OXFORD Guru

    Posts:
    10,261
    Likes Received:
    49
    State:
    Ohio
    I didn't have a lot of time to work on it, but here's a quick suggestion:





    I hope things are going well for you and your family. I have not been able to contact you by phone regarding your health insurance.

    It may be mutually beneficial for us to have the opportunity to meet, regarding the health insurance quotes. Normally, my schedule is very flexible.

    I have re-attached your Aetna quotes and placed the Unicare quotes at the lower portion of this email for your convenience.
    Happy Holidays!

     
  5. STIBROKER
    Offline

    STIBROKER Like My post and enter the DRAWING,,,, Moderator

    Posts:
    10,507
    Likes Received:
    443
    State:
    Texas
    you lost me on the font......some of my longest clients that I have on the books I had to follow up many time....(or you can do the turn and burn but those have a high drop off rate if you sign them with a slam like some advisers suggest)....if you quoted them rates that come up in the email when they open it ....keep resending it and keep putting the rates in their face....that is if you got a good vibe when you talked to them the first time and thought you had the application.....
     
  6. Golddoor
    Offline

    Golddoor Guru

    Posts:
    298
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hard to read? Hmmmm

    I do send out letters by regular mail if no email address is available!

    Dude,Thats why I send this by email. Im not chasing tire kickers. These are leads that I fowarded quotes to and ask me to follow up and I have
    not been able to contact them. Simple as that!!

    Dont respect myself as a professional? Where did you come up with that?

    Ok how about this?


    Mr. Smith,

    I hope things are going well for you and your family? I have been trying to reach you by phone regarding your health insurance. It may be mutually beneficial for us to have the opportunity to meet, regarding your health insurance. Normally, my schedule is very flexible. I would like to come meet with you and/or your family at your home or business, to further discuss your option's. I'm available for appointment's 8am-7pm, Monday- Friday and some weekend's. Please let me know what would be a good time for us to arrange a short meeting? I have re-attached your Aetna quote's and pasted the Unicare quotes to the lower portion of this email for your convenience.

    I look forward to helping you with locating the right health care option’s, and providing quality customer service through the life of your policy.


    Happy Holidays!!




    I lost you on the font? LOL Can you explain?
     
    Golddoor, Dec 19, 2007
    #6
  7. moonlightandmargaritas
    Offline

    moonlightandmargaritas Guru

    Posts:
    9,749
    Likes Received:
    36
    State:
    Florida
     
  8. 2112Greg
    Offline

    2112Greg Guru

    Posts:
    792
    Likes Received:
    0
    State:
    Texas
    IMO, the fewer sentences that begin with "I", the better. Clients, or potential clients, don't care about you...what they want is to know what you do for THEM. Use words like 'hopefully' and 'possibly' - focus more on them, not yourself.

    Additionally, that font was a bitch to read. And there are a number of incorrect uses of the apostrophe. Plurals are not possessives and don't require an apostrophe. Somewhat common mistake, but it's sloppy.
     
    2112Greg, Dec 19, 2007
    #8
  9. Golddoor
    Offline

    Golddoor Guru

    Posts:
    298
    Likes Received:
    0
     
    Golddoor, Dec 19, 2007
    #9
  10. moonlightandmargaritas
    Offline

    moonlightandmargaritas Guru

    Posts:
    9,749
    Likes Received:
    36
    State:
    Florida
    Take it however you want. I call 'em as I see 'em (based on many years of experience).

    You're the one that asked.
     
Loading...