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Tim,
Flattered by your rewrite. I think its really coming along.
Here's my main message to ya ... If the copy doesnt convey WIIFM -eradicate it. If it doesnt follow the form A I D A - its fluff and wastes space text and time .. where you could be converying WIIFM / AIDA.
Does the captive really care whether we have 3 excess/surplus lines appointments with MGA's or 100?
Do they care - really - how many direct appointments we have? Thats all info you can share during Face Time with this guy over a sammich next to his office.
All they care about is that we can solve a propblem they have and we need to remind them of that problem and have the solutoon.
Would the message be radically changed if you took out the info that is ALL ABOUT YOU? Do they really want to know that much yet? Can you dramatically shorten that part and still convey the same thought in 2 sentences or less?
The above things are the same things I ask myself most every time I try and write copy.
Did I follow an accepted form/style of sales letters?
Am I soley focused on WIIFM for my target audience.
Can I convey the thought with fewer text?
Do I engage the reader on an emotional level or am I just regurgitating the typical Ins Agent marketing pablum of feature feature feature ... focus on benefits.
Guys ive read who do copy for a living will typically rewrite stuff 5-6 times.
Write for form
Re Write for emphasis
Re Write again for emotion
Re Write again for style.
Test ...
This stuff aint easy to get right. Kudos to you for the A+ efforts. Your piece is 85% better than most and 100% better than the rest ... why - the rest never take action and dont send squat to anybody!
All the best,
Steve
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Huh?
Flattered by your rewrite. I think its really coming along.
Here's my main message to ya ... If the copy doesnt convey WIIFM -eradicate it. If it doesnt follow the form A I D A - its fluff and wastes space text and time .. where you could be converying WIIFM / AIDA.
Does the captive really care whether we have 3 excess/surplus lines appointments with MGA's or 100?
Do they care - really - how many direct appointments we have? Thats all info you can share during Face Time with this guy over a sammich next to his office.
All they care about is that we can solve a propblem they have and we need to remind them of that problem and have the solutoon.
Would the message be radically changed if you took out the info that is ALL ABOUT YOU? Do they really want to know that much yet? Can you dramatically shorten that part and still convey the same thought in 2 sentences or less?
The above things are the same things I ask myself most every time I try and write copy.
Did I follow an accepted form/style of sales letters?
Am I soley focused on WIIFM for my target audience.
Can I convey the thought with fewer text?
Do I engage the reader on an emotional level or am I just regurgitating the typical Ins Agent marketing pablum of feature feature feature ... focus on benefits.
Guys ive read who do copy for a living will typically rewrite stuff 5-6 times.
Write for form
Re Write for emphasis
Re Write again for emotion
Re Write again for style.
Test ...
This stuff aint easy to get right. Kudos to you for the A+ efforts. Your piece is 85% better than most and 100% better than the rest ... why - the rest never take action and dont send squat to anybody!
All the best,
Steve
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Huh?
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