Insurance Joke of the Month?

[rousemark]

Subject: The Jewish Tie Salesman

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little, old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack…selling ties!

The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted hysterically, " ***! Infidel! I do not need such an overpriced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water!"

"Sorry, I have none, just ties…pure silk, and only $5."

"Baahhh! A curse on your ties! I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you but…I must conserve my energy and find water!"

"Okay," said the little old Jewish man. "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me, or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go in Peace."

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away, over the hill.

Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead and gasped, "They won't let me in without a tie?"

 

[xrac]

This is the kind of salesman we all need to be:








A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Carolina, but you're not in the mountains anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.”

 

[adjusterjack]

Bad Joke Department.

Why do Norwegians paint bar codes on their warships?

So they can scandanavian.

 

[smilingnomad]

What is the difference between an introverted and extroverted actuary? An introverted actuary looks at their feet when talking to people. An extroverted actuary looks at the other person's feet.

 

[goillini52]

What is the difference between an introverted and extroverted actuary? An introverted actuary looks at their feet when talking to people. An extroverted actuary looks at the other person's feet.

What's this about a foot fetish?

 

[adjusterjack]

Definitions:

Optimist - Sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
Pessimist - Sees only the tunnel.
Realist - Sees the next tunnel.

 

[russelltw]

Difference between an actuary and a hitman?
An actuary can tell you how many people out of a 1,000 will die next year.
The hitman can tell which ones they are.

 

[fed up]

cust calls in a claim on Thursday for damage to home. Has a 250 deductible, claim filed. Calls in on Friday with a new claim. Advised has a 250 deductible says he met his deductible yesterday. Has to be a joke, right?

 

[adjusterjack]

Has to be a joke, right?

No joke. They are serious. I got a lot of that from my policyholders when they had consecutive claims.

 

[DHK]

Homeowners insurance is not the same as health insurance.