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Nooooooo. My joke was that he repeated it 3 times. Think about it.....
Nooooooo. My joke was that he repeated it 3 times. Think about it.....
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Hahaha, I just got it. Only took me 8 months.
Well, I see that the medication is working.
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married - Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, and of course Opie - all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
Russ and Sam, two friends, very old and frail, met in the park every day to feed the birds, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Russ didn't ....show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam
didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one
day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! -- there sat Russ!
Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
Then he said, "For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened
to you?"
Russ replied, "I was in jail."
"Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?"
"Well," Russ said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?"
"Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about
her?"
"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'."
"The damn judge gave me 30 days for lying under oath."
One day Russ didn't ....show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam
didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one
day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! -- there sat Russ!
Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
Then he said, "For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened
to you?"
Russ replied, "I was in jail."
"Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?"
"Well," Russ said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?"
"Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about
her?"
"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'."
"The damn judge gave me 30 days for lying under oath."
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This one is great.
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I don't know if this is a true story or not but it's been floating around the industry for a long time:
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued... and won!
In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." However, after the man cashed his check, the insurance company had him arrested ... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms!
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued... and won!
In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." However, after the man cashed his check, the insurance company had him arrested ... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms!
Murphy applied for a Sales job at a famous Irish insurance company based in Dublin.
A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications and they only wanted to add one new agent, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Sales Manager.
When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.
The sales manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Norwegian the job."
Murphy,... "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job."
Sales Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."
Murphy, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?
Sales Manager "That's simple; on question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down,
'I don't know.'
You put down, 'Neither do I.' "
A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications and they only wanted to add one new agent, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Sales Manager.
When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.
The sales manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Norwegian the job."
Murphy,... "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job."
Sales Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."
Murphy, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?
Sales Manager "That's simple; on question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down,
'I don't know.'
You put down, 'Neither do I.' "
See the dementia has kicked in. You posted the same joke in this same thread on March 3, 2016.
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