Senior Jokes

[fostever]

I don't catch it. Did you mean the doctor said he doesn't have cancer but he has Alzheimers?

DUH / Punchline sure wasn't caught.

 

[arnguy]

Sam has a doctor's appointment in Center City Philadelphia. He decides to take the Schuylkill Expressway. While on the expressway, his wife calls him on the cell phone and tells Sam that the traffic report says that the traffic is horrible on the expressway----somebody is driving South in the Northbound lanes. Sam tells her not to worry, but there are helluva lot of cars coming toward him driving in the wrong direction!

 

[arnguy]

Sam goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him that he is obese. Sam tells the doctor that he wants a second opinion. The doctor answers, "Alright, you're ugly!":bump:

 

[Sir Ringo]

As I was walking out of our local wal-mart one morning, I passed a very elderly gentleman and being civil as I always am to my elders, I said "Good Morning Sir, and how are you? The elder gentleman, who was ambling very slowly, smiled widely w/o looking directly at me and said "Bout Dead, and you?

 

[policy doctor]

That's funnier than "better than nothing" or "better than most".

"Bout dead", huh?

 

[Kimber]

Karl and Milly were lying in bed one night. Carl was falling asleep but Milly was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily Karl reached across, held her hand for a second, and rolled over to try to fall asleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he leaned across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled back down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my damn teeth," he replied.

 

[midwestbroker]

An old Chinese couple are lying in bed one night.

The man turns to the woman as says "You want 69??

She replies, "Why do you want beef and broccoli this late?"

 

[policy doctor]

AN OLD COWBOY

[FONT=arial,helvetica]A tough old cowboy from Denton, Texas, counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103. When he died he left 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great grand-children, 25 great-great grand children, and a 15 foot hole where the crematorium used to [/FONT]

 

[tommyk]

2 Senior Ladies were sitting in the front seat of a vehicle they had purchased earlier that day. Now, this was at 1AM. A police Officer came by and asked them what they were doing, One lady said that a friend told them if they bought the car at this dealership the would get screwed..."So we are just waiting"....

 

[tommyk]

The real story:

God created Adam. After a while, God noticed that Adam was lonely, so He told Adam he was going to create him a companion and call her Eve.

Adam asked and what will she do? God answered. "She will cook for you, she will clean your clothers, she will rub your back, she will bear you children and not complain, she will get up in the night and take care of the children while she allows you to sleep. She will always be there for you."

Adam said, "Great, what does a woman like that cost?"

God said "An arm and a leg"

Adam then asked: "What can I get for a rib?"

The rest is history....