- 7,790
Crons79, where have you for almost the last two years? Rob posted that in July of 2008! Actually, I am glad that you bumped the thread because I missed these jokes on the first go round.
- 300
I do what I can. I actually bumped a thread from 2007 yesterday too. LOL
- 15,319
Why is it that the funniest part of this thread is that Rob's name is under "insurance joke of the month?"
Rick
Rick
kingkrazy
Expert
- 67
This elderly man is in the doctors office getting a routine check up. The doctor says everything is fine and asks him how his sex life is, to which he replies, "it's fine".
The doctor than ask if his wife and him have mutual orgasms. The old man thinks for a second and shouts out to the waiting room, "hey Mildred, do we have mutuial orgasms?"
She replies, " No, it's Secure Horizons."
The doctor than ask if his wife and him have mutual orgasms. The old man thinks for a second and shouts out to the waiting room, "hey Mildred, do we have mutuial orgasms?"
She replies, " No, it's Secure Horizons."
- 300
#1
An insurance agent is filling out a life insurance application with a client. The agent asks "have you been diagnosed with a terminal illness". To the agents surprise the client answers "yes". Feeling a little nervous now the agent says "if you don't mind me asking what terminal illness do you have". The clients responds with, "its called marriage".
#2
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said...
Marriage Is Grand.
Divorce Is 100 Grand.
An insurance agent is filling out a life insurance application with a client. The agent asks "have you been diagnosed with a terminal illness". To the agents surprise the client answers "yes". Feeling a little nervous now the agent says "if you don't mind me asking what terminal illness do you have". The clients responds with, "its called marriage".
#2
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said...
Marriage Is Grand.
Divorce Is 100 Grand.
A drunk wanders into the lounge of a hotel where an insurance convention is being held, intent on causing trouble. He yells, "I think all insurance agents are crooks, and if anyone doesn´t like it, come up and do something about it."
Immediately, a man runs up to the drunk and says, "You take that back!"
The drunk snears and replies, "Why, are you an agent?"
"No," the man replies, "I´m a crook."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
An insurance salesman, risk manager and a safety director are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. "I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn," the innkeeper says.
The safety director volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed.
In a short time they´re awakened by a knock. It´s the safety director, who says, "There´s a cow in that barn. I´m a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal."
The risk manager says that, OK, he´ll sleep in the barn.
The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock.
It´s the risk manager who says, "There´s a pig in the barn. I´m Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal."
So the insurance salesman is sent to the barn.
It´s getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep.
But they´re awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It´s the cow and the pig!
Immediately, a man runs up to the drunk and says, "You take that back!"
The drunk snears and replies, "Why, are you an agent?"
"No," the man replies, "I´m a crook."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
An insurance salesman, risk manager and a safety director are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. "I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn," the innkeeper says.
The safety director volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed.
In a short time they´re awakened by a knock. It´s the safety director, who says, "There´s a cow in that barn. I´m a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal."
The risk manager says that, OK, he´ll sleep in the barn.
The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock.
It´s the risk manager who says, "There´s a pig in the barn. I´m Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal."
So the insurance salesman is sent to the barn.
It´s getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep.
But they´re awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It´s the cow and the pig!
Last edited:
- 300
"Let me tell you the story of the oil prospector who met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. When told his occupation, St. Peter said, "Oh, I'm really sorry. You seem to meet all the tests to get into heaven. But we've got a terrible problem. See that pen over there? That's where we keep the oil prospectors waiting to get into heaven. And it's filled—we haven't got room for even one more."
The oil prospector thought for a minute and said, "Would you mind if I just said four words to those folks?" "I can't see any harm in that," said St. Pete. So the old-timer cupped his hands and yelled out, "Oil discovered in hell!" Immediately, the oil prospectors wrenched the lock off the door of the pen and out they flew, flapping their wings as hard as they could for the lower regions.
"You know, that's a pretty good trick," St. Pete said. "Move in. The place is yours. You've got plenty of room." The old fellow scratched his head and said, "No. If you don't mind, I think I'll go along with the rest of 'em. There may be some truth to that rumor after all."
The oil prospector thought for a minute and said, "Would you mind if I just said four words to those folks?" "I can't see any harm in that," said St. Pete. So the old-timer cupped his hands and yelled out, "Oil discovered in hell!" Immediately, the oil prospectors wrenched the lock off the door of the pen and out they flew, flapping their wings as hard as they could for the lower regions.
"You know, that's a pretty good trick," St. Pete said. "Move in. The place is yours. You've got plenty of room." The old fellow scratched his head and said, "No. If you don't mind, I think I'll go along with the rest of 'em. There may be some truth to that rumor after all."
- 300
A man is walking down the street smoking, drinking bourbon and swearing to himself.
A preacher came over to him and dressed him down good. He finished with "I´m 64 years old and I have never smoked, drank or swore!"
The man replied "Yes, and you ain´t never sold insurance either!"
A preacher came over to him and dressed him down good. He finished with "I´m 64 years old and I have never smoked, drank or swore!"
The man replied "Yes, and you ain´t never sold insurance either!"
johncullum
New Member
- 11
Here's a good one:
Jeff's farm was destroyed by a tornado. His wife Amy called there insurance agent and said, "The farm was insured for $200,000 and we want the money."
"I'm sorry Amy, but it doesn't work that way. We will determine the value of your farm and get you a new one that is worth about the same." the agent said.
Amy paused and replied, "Well, in that case, I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."
Jeff's farm was destroyed by a tornado. His wife Amy called there insurance agent and said, "The farm was insured for $200,000 and we want the money."
"I'm sorry Amy, but it doesn't work that way. We will determine the value of your farm and get you a new one that is worth about the same." the agent said.
Amy paused and replied, "Well, in that case, I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."
I was standing in a bar yesterday and this little Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.
I said to him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says "No, why the heck you ask me dat? Is it coz I Chinee?"
"No", I say, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little squirt."
I said to him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says "No, why the heck you ask me dat? Is it coz I Chinee?"
"No", I say, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little squirt."
Similar threads
