Insurance Joke of the Month?

[goillini52]

Best Dear Abby Ever!!

Dear Abby,
My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge
credit card bills. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry
about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.
Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that
most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch
to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our
bills even more.
Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics
and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the
next he's on his knees 7 times a day with Muslims.
Finally, the last straw, he's demanding that before anyone can be in
the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy!
Can you help?
Signed,
Lost
____________________________________




Dear Lost,

Suck it up and stop whining, Michelle. You're getting to live in the
White House for free, travel the world, and have others pay for
everything for you. You can divorce the jerk any time you want.
The rest of us are stuck with the *** for 2 more years.

Hahahaha, now that's funny(but true).

 

[BlockO]

fairy godmother said: "Cinderella, I want you home by midnight tonight.... and if you're not home by midnight, I'm going to turn your p*$$y into a pumpkin!" ......

Cinderella didn't make it home until 4 am, and when she got home, the fairy godmother was still waiting up for her .....

fairy godmother: "well.... what did Prince Charming think about your p*$$y turning into a pumpkin?"

Cinderella replied: "I wasn't with Prince Charming ... I was with Peter Peter!"

 

[xrac]

Two policemen call the station on their radio.

"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"

"Yes?"

"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"No sir. The floor is still wet."

 

[xrac]

Call Center
An Emergency Call Center worker has been fired in Toronto much to
the dismay of her colleagues, who are unhappy with her dismissal.

It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating,
"I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that
when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."
To which the call center employee replied,

"Remain calm and stay on the line.

 

[xrac]

HELP WANTED : German co-pilot to fly Airforce One.

 

[Jerard]

A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Troopers car. A drunken good old boy from central Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper's car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the State car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test."

 

[OregonDave]

What do you call an insurance agent in a turtleneck?

A dickhead!

 

[ZappMan]

This one happened to me a long time ago.

A girl calls up & asks to get an auto quote, I ask her name she pauses & says it then I ask her what kind of car is it, & she flips & says, " Look whats with all these questions, I just wanted to get an auto quote" I said Ok it's $400.00. She said OK & hung up.

Another person called me once & said he was just at the Dr.s & his Dr. told him to call me & tell me that he, my customer, has a fire hydrant in his front yard & to make sure he's getting that discount. I laughed & assured him he was. I did tell him to have the Dr. check out that rasp in his voice (no I didn't , but I should have)

 

[xrac]

A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl replied, in a loud voice "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the people in the library started staring at the man, who was deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the man's table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking; I bet you felt embarrassed, right?"

The man responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ..... I`M NOT PAYING YOU THAT MUCH!"

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The man whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".

 

[AJentMiller]

I wrote this super great joke about dementia this week you guys wanna hear it?

I wrote this super great joke about dementia this week you guys wanna hear it?

I wrote this super great joke about dementia this week you guys wanna hear it?

I wrote this super great joke about dementia this week you guys wanna hear it?