- 2,758
No, already heard it.
No, already heard it.
- 11,514
32 great insurance jokes | LifeHealthPro
• That awkward moment when you deliver a highly rated life insurance policy... "Whenever I deliver a highly rated life insurance policy, I remind the insured that while the premium may be higher, given their health, they won't pay nearly so long! Then I smile and chuckle a bit, they chuckle too, and they accept the policy. Deep down, pretty much all people know what their health status really is... so don't let 'em blow smoke at you."
• Can your wife really get remarried?... "I was trying to deliver a life insurance policy to a fella who kept insisting to me that his wife could always get remarried. Finally, I blurted out 'have you looked at her lately?' He took the policy..."
9. Honoring the last wish…
A father told his three sons when he sent them to the university: "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it; as a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."
And so it happened. The sons became a doctor, a lawyer, and a financial planner, each very successful financially. When they saw their father in the coffin one day, they remembered his wish.
First it was the doctor who put ten $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.
Then came the lawyer, who put a $1,000 bill there, too.
Finally, it was the heartbroken financial planner's turn. He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.
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This one is specifically for Agent992:
• That awkward moment when you deliver a highly rated life insurance policy... "Whenever I deliver a highly rated life insurance policy, I remind the insured that while the premium may be higher, given their health, they won't pay nearly so long! Then I smile and chuckle a bit, they chuckle too, and they accept the policy. Deep down, pretty much all people know what their health status really is... so don't let 'em blow smoke at you."
• Can your wife really get remarried?... "I was trying to deliver a life insurance policy to a fella who kept insisting to me that his wife could always get remarried. Finally, I blurted out 'have you looked at her lately?' He took the policy..."
9. Honoring the last wish…
A father told his three sons when he sent them to the university: "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it; as a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."
And so it happened. The sons became a doctor, a lawyer, and a financial planner, each very successful financially. When they saw their father in the coffin one day, they remembered his wish.
First it was the doctor who put ten $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.
Then came the lawyer, who put a $1,000 bill there, too.
Finally, it was the heartbroken financial planner's turn. He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.
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This one is specifically for Agent992:
Last edited:
- 2,758
OK.... not about insurance but still funny.
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a light high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed, 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded...
"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place! Smack his ass again!"
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a light high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed, 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded...
"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place! Smack his ass again!"
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I've got one joke. I can't remember the long ones.
How do you tell the difference between oral and rectal thermometers?
They taste different.
Ba-duh Boom!
How do you tell the difference between oral and rectal thermometers?
They taste different.
Ba-duh Boom!
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Literally made me laugh...I love one liners like that. Bravo
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I went to the doctor to get a physical last week, and he said that I needed to stop masterbating.
I said, "why doc?"
He said, "BECAUSE I'M GIVING YOU A PHYSICAL!!!"
I said, "why doc?"
He said, "BECAUSE I'M GIVING YOU A PHYSICAL!!!"
Murphy applied for a fork lift operator post at a famous distillery based in Bardstown, Kentucky.
An Indiana Hoosier applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.
When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.
The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Hoosier the job.
Murphy,... "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Kentucky and me being Kentuckian surely I should get the job.
Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong.
Murphy, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?
Manager "Simple; on question number 7 the Hoosier wrote down,
'I don't know.
You put down, 'Neither do I. "
An Indiana Hoosier applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.
When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.
The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Hoosier the job.
Murphy,... "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Kentucky and me being Kentuckian surely I should get the job.
Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong.
Murphy, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?
Manager "Simple; on question number 7 the Hoosier wrote down,
'I don't know.
You put down, 'Neither do I. "
How do you know?
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