Please Critique My Follow Up Letter

[Golddoor]

O.k., I sincerely didn't have time to read all of the replies but minute's should be minutes.

The font isn't easy to read.
And you are taking this too personally. You asked for some critical help and you got it.

 

[James]

Absolutely!! That "would Thursday at 10AM or Friday at 2PM be better for you" crap is so.....'80s.

That Zig Ziglar, Tommy Hopkins style of sales is so old/stale/dated - not to mention not effective. Nobody wants to be manipulated. folks are gettin' a little more sophisticated.

When you let THEM pick a time for an appointment, call, or whatever, not only do you have a better chance of it happening, you've asked them another good "qualification" question.

People have changed? People are more sofisticated? Gee, didn't get that memo from the almighty, I guess I better call and verify this update of people. According to the LIMRA study most people that don't have insurance is because there isn't an agent in their life to manipulate them into buying it. Geez, yea people have got more sophisiticated, at least they know why they don't have insurance.

http://www.limra.com/pressroom/pressmaterials/factsaboutlife06complete.pdf

Consumers feel buying life insurance is an important and complex financial decision. Eight in 10 find it difficult to decide how much and what type to buy and worry about making the wrong decision. Two thirds don’t know where to buy or who to turn to for help.

 

[Lloydlofton]

I have been emailing out this letter to potential clients and started using this "Bradley Hand" lettering style. Could you guys critique the wording and what do you think about using this style of lettering?

RE: YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE

Mr. Smith,

I hope things are going well for you and your family? I have been trying to reach you by phone regarding your health insurance, with no success. I was hoping to have the opportunity to speak with you, regarding the quote's that were forwarded to you earlier this month. I would love to come meet with you and/or your family at your home or business, for a few short minute's, to further discuss your option's. I'm available for appointment's 8am-9pm, Monday- Friday and some weekend's. Please let me know what would be a good time for us to arrange a short meeting? I have re-attached your Aetna quote's and pasted the Unicare quotes to the lower portion of this email for your convenience.

Happy Holidays!!

I am going to respond to your request however I want to ask you to not take offense where offense was not ment.

The letter sounds a little desperate. Who is the sale about, the prospect or you. The letter references you six times and refers to what you want out of the contact. If what you are meeting with the prospect about has value then talk about the "benefit" to them in meeting, not what you want to get out of the meeting.

You use words that indicate you don't expect action on their part, "trying to reach..., hoping to have...", moreover the letter comes across as if you are not busy or have much of a business, it sounds more like you need them than they may benefit from you, "I would love..., I'm availabel for appointments....and some weekends...". To say you are available from 8am to 9pm indicates you have nothing else going on. Have you ever called the doctor or dentist and they could see you anytime of the day, I can't even get an oil change without an appointment so you may want to add value to your service by stating a specific time you will call or come by (I suggest go by).

Additonally the letter comes accross as if you are not sure what you need to meet about is very important..."please let me know...a short meeting...arrange a short meeting." You may want to state something specific " What I have to present will take about 15 minutes, if I stay any longer it will be because you want me to." "Appointments with my clients usually take about an hour, depending on how many questions you have."

So here is an example:

" Thank you for requesting information about increasing your health insurance beneifits and reducing your cost. If you have any problem opening the quote I forward you previously I have reattached below.

I am sending this note to let you know I will be in your area this coming Thursday and I can see you at 7:15 pm. If this time does not work please call me at 555-12334, I will bring a hard copy of the two quotes attached as discussion points for us. Appointments with my clients usually take about an hour, depending on how many questions you have.

While I have been able to save my clients about 30% on their health insurance we will have to discuss your specific situation to determine the exact saving you may enjoy, along with the rate lock and one deductible that may be available.

When I get there we will need to review your existing plan, any medications anyone is on and any doctors or hospitals anyone that will be protected has seen in the last few years.

I look forward to meeting with you this coming Thursday at 7:15, if for some reason you won't be in please call me at (555-1234) and if I can't make it for some reason I will do you the same curtesy."

I know, you are thinking what if they are not there, well you can't lose something you don't have. So unless you are selling your policies online my suggetion is get in front of people. If they are not there use their name to go to each home on each side and across the street.

Now continue making phone calls in the same zip code, schedule three other appointments in the same area, pull your "mail me something", "I want to think about it", and quotes you gave six months to a year ago in the same area, stop by every small business on the way there and exchange business cards with the owner (or whoever is working, they are also prospects) and spend the entire day working that area, this is how you "win the community".

Hope this helps and good luck.

 

[moonlightandmargaritas]

According to the LIMRA study most people that don't have insurance is because there isn't an agent in their life to manipulate them into buying it.

Ah yes, LIMRA. The trade association funded by the Pru's and Met's of the world that brought you a 97.9% failure rate for new agents.

Truly a valuable opinion.

 

[J.R.]

I am going to respond to your request however I want to ask you to not take offense where offense was not ment.

The letter sounds a little desperate. Who is the sale about, the prospect or you. The letter references you six times and refers to what you want out of the contact. If what you are meeting with the prospect about has value then talk about the "benefit" to them in meeting, not what you want to get out of the meeting.

You use words that indicate you don't expect action on their part, "trying to reach..., hoping to have...", moreover the letter comes across as if you are not busy or have much of a business, it sounds more like you need them than they may benefit from you, "I would love..., I'm availabel for appointments....and some weekends...". To say you are available from 8am to 9pm indicates you have nothing else going on. Have you ever called the doctor or dentist and they could see you anytime of the day, I can't even get an oil change without an appointment so you may want to add value to your service by stating a specific time you will call or come by (I suggest go by).

Additonally the letter comes accross as if you are not sure what you need to meet about is very important..."please let me know...a short meeting...arrange a short meeting." You may want to state something specific " What I have to present will take about 15 minutes, if I stay any longer it will be because you want me to." "Appointments with my clients usually take about an hour, depending on how many questions you have."

So here is an example:

" Thank you for requesting information about increasing your health insurance beneifits and reducing your cost. If you have any problem opening the quote I forward you previously I have reattached below.

I am sending this note to let you know I will be in your area this coming Thursday and I can see you at 7:15 pm. If this time does not work please call me at 555-12334, I will bring a hard copy of the two quotes attached as discussion points for us. Appointments with my clients usually take about an hour, depending on how many questions you have.

While I have been able to save my clients about 30% on their health insurance we will have to discuss your specific situation to determine the exact saving you may enjoy, along with the rate lock and one deductible that may be available.

When I get there we will need to review your existing plan, any medications anyone is on and any doctors or hospitals anyone that will be protected has seen in the last few years.

I look forward to meeting with you this coming Thursday at 7:15, if for some reason you won't be in please call me at (555-1234) and if I can't make it for some reason I will do you the same curtesy."

I know, you are thinking what if they are not there, well you can't lose something you don't have. So unless you are selling your policies online my suggetion is get in front of people. If they are not there use their name to go to each home on each side and across the street.

Now continue making phone calls in the same zip code, schedule three other appointments in the same area, pull your "mail me something", "I want to think about it", and quotes you gave six months to a year ago in the same area, stop by every small business on the way there and exchange business cards with the owner (or whoever is working, they are also prospects) and spend the entire day working that area, this is how you "win the community".

Hope this helps and good luck.

Minus a few things I would change for personal reasons, your post has got to be one of the top posts I have read to date about how to get things done. Welcome to the board!

 

[James]

Ah yes, LIMRA. The trade association funded by the Pru's and Met's of the world that brought you a 97.9% failure rate for new agents.

Truly a valuable opinion.

I'm sure its close to the industry average.

 

[Lloydlofton]

Thanks for the welcome. We all have our own sales personality and style and that's the way it should be. I started with John Hancock in 1977 (before cell phones, debit cards, the internet and paying for gas with a credit card at the pump, where of course you meet no-one!), I have represented Mutual of Omaha, Mass Mutual, Allianz, among others, and my experience is activity produces results so that is what I try to focus on.

Looking forward to learning from everyone.