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Welcome to the Forum, Edward. Hope to correspond with you more in the future. When your grandmother passed, I assume there was quite a bit of cash value, considering she paid more into the policy than the beneficiary received. Keep in mind that as the cash value increase, although it seems like the premium is paying for the original death benefit. In reality, the premium is paying for the difference between the current cash value and death benefit. This means her cost is limited to the amount the insurance company has at risk. Oftentimes, we confuse Premium with Cost of Insurance (or amount at risk.) Therefore, the longer she paid, more and more of her premium dollars were being allocated towards the cash value. Did you consider that a possibility at the time, or not? Hope that makes you feel somewhat better about it.
It seems to me like the person you responded to is talking about a situation where:
to just create an example:
A person bought a $10,000 death benefit life insurance policy and wound up paying $14,000 in premiums for that coverage before they passed away.
For at least some viewers of the situation, it will appear that the policy holder was taken advantage of. I don't think cash value in the policy has anything to do with that viewpoint.
Sometime in the last few years there has been a thread where an agent (I think) posted about an example of that specific situation. A daughter of one of his policy holders caused the policy on her father to be cancelled because he had paid in something like $12,000 for a $10,000 death benefit policy. She believed he had wasted his money and would have been continuing to do so if he would have continued paying premiums.